When I Live With My Children

When I grow old, I am going to live with my children.

Here are ten commandments I plan to live by.


1 – First thing in the morning, I will lock myself in the bathroom and no matter how

hard they knock or yell and scream I will not open the door until I have read all 27

volumes of the Encyclopedia Britannica.


2 – I will not clean my room. They can tell me all they want how hanging posters

hurts the walls but I’m going to hang all my Westminster Kennel Club dog show

posters and to heck with their delicate walls.


3 – They want me to mow the lawn. No problem. When the grass gets so high you

can’t see the mailbox, then I’ll mow the lawn.


4 – I’ll borrow the car and not bring it back until the gas tank is completely empty

and driving on fumes.


5 – When they ask, “Are you on drugs”? I will tell them I’m a diabetic, with high

blood pressure and arthritis of course I’m on drugs.


6 – When they ask if I’m practicing safe sex I will reply “I wish”. 


7 – As for washing dishes, for months I’ve campaigned for paper plates and plastic

knifes and forks. If they are not going to accept my recommendations and

suggestions then they can wash their own dishes.


8 – On my allowance, I know it’s only January and I’ve already borrowed against

my July allowance but you don’t understand it’s the BIG CONCERT and if I don’t

go my friends will disown me.


9 – Curfew, you want me home before midnight. You must be out of your mind the

bars don’t close until 3:00 am.


10 – As for taking out the garbage. No way. I didn’t bring it in and I ain’t taking it